My kind of people

When you’ve lived for 36 years without having kids (let alone babysitting one or changing a diaper), getting your head around …

• growing one
• birthing one
• feeding, clothing, and not breaking one
• entertaining one, and
• raising one to be a somewhat decent human being

… can be fairly daunting.

Thankfully, there are approximately 2,305,423 books, 3,987,375 websites, and 2,460 magazines ready and waiting to tell you exactly what you have to do to succeed as a parent. This is serious stuff. From what I’ve read so far, I get the clear impression that one wrong turn in the food, education, health, sleep, and activity departments will doom the baby to a life of crime and/or dimwittedness.

As if sensing my growing consternation at the heights I have been feeling I must achieve as a parent, my sister-in-law Nicole sent me a link to Baby Bush today. Their mission statement alone sets the tone for the rest of the website:

Sure, we all want the best for our kids, but let’s face the truth: not every child can grow up to be Einstein! At the Baby Bush Toy Company, we offer an exciting range of products designed for the resoundingly average child.

It’s the “resoundingly” that kills me. I have gone back to look at Baby Bush’s product line at least 16 times since receiving the link three hours ago: the combination of image, copy, and outlandish price keeps me going back.

Also check out the testimonials: degenerate father Ted Barnes is my favourite.

Thank you, Baby Bush. I needed you today.

Comments

[Dan Turner]

Fabulous. I LOVE the red ball counter for kids just learning to count. When you were little we didn't give you toys. We got mixed up and thought that YOU were the toy. So I used to come home and flip you in the air and you would always land just right on the big old soft brown couch. Until the time I missed a bit and split your chin open. About that time people told us we were supposed to get you toys, so that was pretty well the end of the fun for us. Oh well.

Your Dad