Knockout verbs

There is no end to studying language and writing—almost every week I unearth new insights to think about, and ideally apply. One book full-to-brimming with great writing tips is Constance Hale’s Sin and Syntax: How to Craft Wickedly Effective Prose. A former editor of Wired, Hale champions muscular writing, writing that makes the reader sit up and take notice.

I love what Hale says about verbs, and I try to remind myself of her advice whenever I can:

“More than any other part of speech, it is the verb that determines whether a writer is a wimp or a wizard. Novices tend to rely on is and other static verbs and lose momentum by stumbling on the passive voice. The pros make strong nouns and dynamic verbs the heart of their style; verbs make their prose quiver.

The first key to exploiting dynamic verbs is simply to use them. For some reason, even experienced writers pepper their first drafts with forms of be. Nothing wrong with that, as long as the writers indulge in many more drafts to go back and season the prose with dynamic verbs. Some writers devote one entire rewrite to verbs, circling every is and are and trying to replace as many as possible …

Notice how Wired writer Richard Rapaport worked his verbs to transform a description of the setting of the Sandia National Laboratories from a pedestrian catalog of nouns into a landscape shimmering with activity ….

[BEFORE (i.e., first draft) – verbs bolded)]

‘It is nearly noon, on a cool (temperature 66º), dry (humidity 21%), high-desert day. The azurescent New Mexican sky hangs languidly over a flat, antediluvian landscape. It is broken to the East by the glowering granite of the Sandia Mountains and off to the North by the shimmering hills that lie past the Rio Grande River, and mount up to the Jemez Mountains and Los Alamos beyond.’

[AFTER (second draft) – verbs bolded)]

‘At noon on a cool, high-desert day, the azure New Mexican sky hangs languidly over a low, antediluvian landscape. To the east the granite of the Sandia Mountains glowers darkly; to the north, the hills past the Rio Grande shimmer as they rise to meet the Jemez Mountains and Los Alamos beyond.’”

You know what’s crazy? It took forever to type in that first draft excerpt—I had to look at the book repeatedly because I had forgotten the words I had tried to memorize. But the second excerpt raced onto the screen (note “race”!)—its dynamism actually made it easier to remember! And sure enough, easier to read. Très, très cool.

Coming soon: John Updike’s mastery of the sentence twist. GEEK ON!

Comments

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