Quagmire

So this aft Oliver and I are on a quick trip round the ‘hood to pick up various sundries. He’s in the Snugli carrier since he so prefers it to the stroller and my back and shoulders can withstand his 20 lbs for a short jaunt like this. We’re in Meinhardts, the horrendously expensive deli/grocery store on Granville, shopping among the snooty snooties. After picking out a restrained half dozen items we line up and wait our turn for the cashier. A till opens up, and we make our way up to the counter feeling quite pleased with ourselves for our cute and quiet performance in the store. Then Oliver erupts:

“EEE-uurgh!”
(Beat).
“Eeeeeehhhh-uurrgh!”
(Beat. Beat.)
“Uurrghh!!!”

A close, pungent smell slowly but devastatingly oozes out of the pure polyester Snugli. The cashier looks discreetly away. Her face is going red. She has to deal with us, but she’s trying hard to a) not vomit, b) remain expressionless. Oliver is turned outward as per Snugli protocol, but I know his face is a) as red as hers from the exertion, and b) expectant, since at home when he poos, we congratulate him or soothe him if it looks like it’s been a tough go. I, meanwhile, am grappling with the fact that a) my baby has just pooed on me in public and b) I don’t know what decorum and decency would have me do in our predicament.

We’re all confused—the cashier, Oliver, and me. We remain mute as she rings through each item as fast as she can yet not so fast as to let on her revulsion. I pay, pick up my bags, and walk to the door briskly but not so briskly that I acknowledge my mortification. Oliver’s the only one who has recovered: he babbles happily away, knowing that despite the lack of positive reinforcement, he’s pooed mightily and well.

Comments

[Leah]

Brilliant!
I once attended a post-partum midwife appointment with my darling girl, all cleaned up, and me (unknowingly) with poo all over my pants.
Pardon the unsolicited advice but on baby carriers, I can't say enough good things about wraps. Long strips of fabric that you use to tie the kid on. SO much more comfortable than a Snugli (20 lbs! well done!) and all cotton for easy, quick spit-up and poo washes. Ugh, I just re-read this comment. Kids are gross.