Bringing up baby

A couple of months ago, Craig and I found out that the science experiment currently underway in my belly will eventually be a little boy. Now, despite the fact that it could have gone only one of two ways—girl or boy—I have to say we were slightly surprised. Turns out my idea of “baby” was essentially a caricature: think cuddly, cooing, pink-swaddled, and with soft tufts of hair just aching to be gently combed into adorable ornaments.

Pathetic, yes, but true nonetheless.

Of course, it didn’t take long to adjust my vision. A lot less pink, a little less hair, and a need for me to brush up on my understanding of outer space, superheroes, Star Wars, and (gasp!) trucks and trains. I figure that not every one of these stereotypes will turn up in little dude (aka the LD), but that if I prepare for all of them, I’ll stand a fighting chance of keeping up and not being a drip of a mom.

Plus, I secretly know, just know, that the LD will be a voracious reader and nature-lover, and be uncommonly mellow for one of his gender. He might even let me grow his hair a little long and allow the odd accent of pink into his dapper wee wardrobe. We will sing songs together and play sweetly with Lego, with all his stuffed animals looking on beatifically.

And he will not be beaten black and blue in the schoolyard.

I cling to these things.

So it was with horror that I read Kate Fillion’s January 9 article in Macleans, How to Fix Boys. In it, she interviews child development expert Leonard Sax, who asserts the following:

• The brain of the five-year-old boy—in terms of maturity, particularly in the language area—is at about the same place as the brain of a three-and-a-half-year-old girl.
• There are huge differences in the ability of the average six-year-old girl and boy to sit still and be quiet.
• Boys develop a notion in kindergarten that doing what the teacher wants and being good is unmasculine.
• You should never ask a five-year-old, especially not a boy, to sit down and stay quiet.
• Boys often find school so prohibitive to their natural impulses that they vent by spending hours sitting in front of their video-game consoles, banging away on the game controller.
• Online pornography has displaced the pursuit of real girls for a significant number of boys.

OH MY GOD! I don’t know how else to put it. Anyone know of a good home schooling link?

Comments

[Medbh]

Ugh! I hate hearing that kind of thing. And honestly, I'm not sure which parts are true and which aren't, if any. I can tell you that Fergus, now three, has better language development than most of his female peers--but he's a bit of an oddity in that department. (We were at the doctor recently and he asked, "Mum? Why are they called patients? Is it because they have to be patient?") He is, however, typically noisy, rammy, boisterous, rude (he actually looked at Ivan and me at the table recently to make sure he had our attention, then lifted one butt cheek and farted. Nice.), scatalogical, messy... all the things you picture your fantasy LD NOT being. Sorry to burst your bubble!

As for becoming a boy-centered mama, trust me, it'll happen to YOU. I found myself driving with co-workers to lunch one day when we passed some road construction. I exclaimed to everyone, "Look! Diggers!"

[Dan Turner]

Okay, I know this incorrect and laden with stereotypes, but I advocate bringing up Little Dude gay. Oh, I know, gayness is a nature thing, but at least you could attempt some nurture prodding. If he finds himself uncomfortable sleeping with men when he hits his 20s and secretly yearns for women, fine. Let him come out of the closet then and become a heterosexual. There are worse things. And by that time it will be too late for him to wreck your life with guns and trucks and stuff.

Your Father

[kiley]

That's it, Medbh, we're moving in with you as soon as the LD arrives. I will just follow you around soaking up wisdom and energy. And the LD will become a well-adjusted child. And where the hell is YOUR blog? Fergus would keep you in business every day.

Dad, good to know you're on the job thinking about how to save me from the ravages of motherhood.

[doug]

Dan has put to voice the solution to my worries - that wee Sophie will won't be inclined to share my appreciation of heavy machinery, climbing mountains in lousy weather and women. Brilliant! My ruined sleep pattern is made comfortable.

[Stefanie Couture]

When Max was born I decorated his room with bunnies because he was born on Easter so bunnies are appropriate - right? Well not really. I'm turning to trucks, buses and cars.... but they're cute now. Max runs so excitedly to the window to watch the garbage truck, the school bus and any type of big ugly concrete machinery I thought I must convert. And I must say I love his excitement so I now love the garbage truck too:)

I can't wait to see you with your boy!

[Adrienne]

Is there a rule for how late you can post comments? I have to admit that hockey practice and computer games are my two worst fears about having boys. What reassures me, however, are moments like the one I had this past Monday night, dining with two Craigs and a Clark. The Craigs were their usual funny selves, but also so thoughtful and sensitive in the ways they spoke about being dads, parenting with their partners, and their genuine excitment about this new stage in their lives. I figure that if these two great guys were once stinky boys who couldn't sit still, with stunted brains and who dreamed of naked women (ok, maybe not our boys), then it had to have only been temporary. In my very limited time as a parent, one thing I've learned is that the stages are passing and that there is no way that our boys, with the incredible role model dads that they have--and, ack-hem, their kickass moms--can not turn out to be anything but incredible. They will be different than girls sure, but I know they will make us equally proud one day--hopefully as proud as the Craigs moms are of them today.

[kiley]

What a gorgeous comment, Adrienne. I swear you are an empath - I've been feeling a little anxious today and this note was just what I needed. Thanks.

And Stef, you gave me hope with your new-found appreciation of garbage trucks!

[Nicole]

I wanted to add that by the time you get to the slow-talking, fast-moving, fire truck-chasing stage, you will have become both enamored of your little guy and adjusted to the fact that your life has been completely changed. In mostly good ways. And you will have suffered so many indignities of the poop cleaning, breast leaking, loud public crying varieties, that having to feign interest in cars will be welcome!