Loving Lainey

I tune into Lainey Gossip every single day. Or, as Elaine Liu, the real person behind Lainey, would say: Every. Single. Day.

I initially visited the site because I follow celebrity smut à la Us Magazine—I justify this practice by saying it’s equivalent to how guys follow sports. There are probably holes in this rationale, but I’m not going to search for them.

Anyway, Lainey Gossip is a huge blogging success—I am one of thousands who flock to it for a fix on a daily basis. But while Liu been profiled dozens of times in the media, I don’t think much attention has been paid to WHY Lainey Gossip is so popular. It’s the writing.

Elaine Liu is a top-rate humourist and stylist writing in a society that is undeniably obsessed with celebrity culture. She has adapted English perfectly to suit her subject (gossip), writing audaciously, hilariously, and passionately. She both pokes fun at herself (and her audience) for our fixation with celebrities and indulges—even wallows—unapologetically in the fun of it. This is a hard balance to strike, though Liu appears to achieve it effortlessly.

Liu employs a unique sentence structure that draws both on the bitchy cattiness practiced by petty fashionistas and the overwhelmed effusiveness of saucer-eyed, Valley-girl-accented teens reacting to major boy news (e.g., “No WAY,” “SHUT UP!”, “Get OUT!”). Most of her sentences are short, many omit initial subjects in favour of verbs (e.g., “Am sorry. Am pervy”), many use figures of speech never seen before (e.g., “Bet your concrete tits he’ll be there”) and some of the best are one- or two-word wonders “Oh. My. Loins.”).

She has developed shorthand for her most reviled (Tom Cruise: GMD for Gay Midget Dwarf, Nicole Kidman: The Freeze, for all that Botox, Shelf-Ass: Jessica Biel, whose ass Liu considers Biel’s only qualification); and most beloved (Kiki: Kirsten Dunst, My Gwyneth: Gwyneth Paltrow, who Lainey defends despite knowing how snotty she is); and lusted-after (most ridiculously, David Beckham: The Hotness, Becks). And on and on. She never stops playing and inventing in her writing.

Consider her Freebie Five list (the Freebie Five was inspired by Friends, and extended by Liu (who by the way, works with her obviously much-loved husband, who she regularly and fondly humiliates in her posts) to be “a list of 5 'unattainables' you’d have permission to tap without consequence from your significant other should the opportunity arise …. Two bit no-names, no matter how hot they are, don’t rank. Because while intelligence is optional, fame never is …. Note also that the Freebie Five is NOT about a relationship. The Freebie Five is all about ONE night. Or two nights. In bed. Conversation optional but not required”). Liu tops her list with David Beckham, which she defends thusly:

“ … don’t question David Beckham. I am aware that he can’t think on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Sundays. And I am also well aware of what he sounds like. But he doesn’t have to talk to me when he’s rockin’ me…you know what I mean? …. Becks is the Hotness.  Because Becks is one of the few men on the planet who can get away with almost everything. Hair, clothes, wife, rat lizard voice… all of it a free pass by virtue of the face and body and the football thunder thighs. I like ‘em lanky up top with some steel strength down below. And if you tell me you wouldn’t want to be in the middle of that squeeze… I won’t believe you. Daddy Becks? Unparalleled quiveration.”

While Liu may adopt the persona of a “shallow bitch,” (her words, not mine), she also has a conscience, unlike the vileness that is Perez Hilton. Of what she will and will not cover, she says:

“You have a line, I have a line. As ludicrous as it may sound coming from a dirty gossip—for me, there is fun smut and there is not so fun smut. Fun smut is hoping for Paris Hilton to go to prison and calling Heather Mills a golddigging skank. Not fun smut is death, suicide, overdose, murder allegations, scrapping over DNA, and alleged child molestation. I report on what I’d want to read ….”

Lainey Gossip is a must-explore. Hit it. You know you want to.

Comments

[KM]

Laineygossip is truly one of the most hateful gossip sites I've ever come across. Her commentary is cruel oftentimes not true. To sum it up: she's a bitch!

[Who cares]

People like Lainey Liu, and those that employ her are parasites.

[MH]

All of her news is second hand, she lives in the burbs with her husband and her faded DVB jeans with her fat ass.

She is a fake and a fraud.

Hell, she doesn't even know what's happening in her own town!

I think the tables should be turned on bitches like her.

[Gossip Killer]

Hey the bitch didn't even get the scoop Ryan Reynolds was getting married and it happened outside of the city in which Lainey lives!

If she can't even get the scoop here, she can't do her job. Time to be fired.

Maybe she was trying to keep an eye on her husband and his wandering gay eye to not know whats happening.

But I guess it doesn't matter to Lainey, especially when she just steals the news from other sites.

[Antivirus_man]

The new year is already knocking at the door, let it will bring only happiness and joy.

[JOBS_frend]

The new year is already knocking at the door, let it will bring only happiness and joy.

[school_dubl]

Hi Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, a cool site I like

[smartgossiper]

Hey, I love Lainey! I agree with the author of this blog 100%. What's wrong with you people?

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